Notes of a doctor appointment

It’s letting all my thoughts

Burn in fear

Until that’s all I am

Until I feel better

And like that

I’m 9 again

Still woozy from the antiseptic waiting room

Maroon seats, next to my mother

Overhearing her later

Tell my father what a placebo is

And know they think I don’t understand

That I’m a liar

Because why would a boy

Still, quite

Have pain radiating from his sternum?

Tired yet always sleeping

Because it wasn’t a lie

They put there

About drugs

Or if I’d been hit, beaten

I tossed those pills away

And learned not to trust myself

Learned to fear a doctor

Learned to only tell a truth or a lie

If my parents told me to